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Woke up this morning feeling incredibly sad. Hard to express the emotion but I just needed to get out of the house and away from my life for a little while. I really am not well enough to have done such a thing but occasionally you have to push if just for your own sanity, I suppose.
It was absolutely pissing it down with rain but the escape of it, it felt like a somewhat charming addition. Not a warm one, I certainly wasn’t comfortable, but it’s good to be out in the fresh air.
I had a drive around the Wye Valley, revisited Bigsweir bridge, where I’d been much earlier in the fall. It’s interesting to see the contrast from then and now, how different the feel of it is in the early fall in cool sunlight to the grim looming cloud of the oncoming winter. The rain was just incredible, with roads flooding everywhere, water flowing down paths in the hills underfoot.
I confess I’m not a fan of rural life, or of trees, I have a lot of gripes with its inaccess, and the rising levels of poverty as jobs leave the area and support is being reduced are startling. Trying to see beauty in an area with so much isolation, destitution, and suffering, I find it very hard to separate the aesthetic and the living, not least because the rural setting is what has been responsible for so much of it. It’s difficult not to be resentful, but I can appreciate that it’s beautiful, even if I do have wet socks.